Grief
It is important to distinguish between the normal, expected feelings of depression caused by grief, which usually resolve within a limited time, and depression that persists beyond that time. Dr. Kubler-Ross, author of the book On Death and Dying, first described the grief process as the set of stages that all people go through in response to their own impending death. However, all people go through the grieving, or mourning, process whenever they suffer any significant loss or threat of loss. Death of a loved one, serious illness (self or loved one), divorce, physical assault, loss of a job, loss of a home, and financial problems are all situations that may provoke a grief reaction. The speed at which people go through the stages of grieving, as well as the order of those stages, may vary significantly. The bargaining stage (see below) is often missed and skipping the other stages may lead to chronic unresolved problems in dealing with the actual or impending loss. The following stages of grief are presented in the order that they most commonly occur:
- shock or depression
- anger
- denial
- bargaining
- acceptance
- transcendence
Being aware of the stages of grief may help reduce the likelihood of remaining in any one of the stages and developing chronic, long-term problems such as depression. It is perfectly natural to feel sad after suffering a significant loss. However, if you find that your symptoms are particularly severe and have not resolved within a reasonable amount of time, it may be a sign that the experience of loss has triggered a clinical depression.
The National Mental Health Association offers the following guidelines for living with grief:
- Seek out caring people. Friends, relatives, and people in support groups may understand your feelings.
- Express your feelings. Talk. It will help you through the grieving process.
- Take care of your health. Eat right and stay well rested. Do not self-medicate by drinking alcohol or taking medication.
- Accept that life is for the living. It will take effort to move beyond the past.
- Postpone major life changes. Try not to make any significant life changes (e.g., moving, remarrying, having another child) until you have adjusted.
- Be patient. It may take months to years to accept the loss.
- Seek outside help when necessary. The best thing that you can do for yourself when your grief is severe is to seek professional help.
