Older, Wiser . . . Sexier?

Get the facts about sex and aging. Find out why you're never too old to have good sex -- and how to make it happen.

We're all happy to accept that fine wine improves with age -- becoming more complex, more enjoyable, more valuable -- so why not consider the possibility that sexuality develops similarly as it matures?

Sure, your experience of midlife sex (and intimacy beyond midlife) is not likely to be the same as it was in your younger years. But that doesn't mean your sex life is destined to be dull or disappointing. On the contrary.

Healthy individuals can remain sexually active and interested well into their 70s, 80s, and 90s, if they choose to. In fact, when it comes to sex and aging – an active sex life may even help keep you young. Some age-related physical changes may be unavoidable, it's true, but these changes don't have to interfere with being intimate.

The fact is, there's no one "right" way to experience sex. The way you express your sexuality is shaped by your individuality and your personal circumstances. Whether you're single or in a relationship, disabled or able-bodied, young or old, think of your sexuality as a unique part of who you are. By taking a more personal, less prescribed approach to midlife sex – and intimacy far beyond midlife – you allow yourself the freedom to adapt your sex life according to your changing needs.

The first step to maintaining an active, fulfilling sex life is getting to know some of the normal physical changes you're likely to experience as you get older. The next step is being open to making a few simple adjustments to your standard sexual routine.

What to Expect

There are several age-related changes that may affect your sex life. Both men and women experience changes in their bodies as they grow older. You already know that. But did you know that in many ways, aging affects sexuality similarly in women and men? For instance, after a certain age, it takes both men and women longer to become sexually aroused. So rather than worrying about your changing body and slower response time, talk to your partner about being intimate -- he or she may be experiencing something remarkably similar.

Still, there are a few changes that are unique to men or unique to women.

Changes in Women

Growing older, particularly for women, tends to be associated with a significant drop in sex drive, but research related to sex and aging suggests that some women may actually experience more frequent and more intense orgasms as they age. And after menopause -- without the risk of an unplanned pregnancy -- many women find they enjoy sex more fully and freely than ever before.

Nevertheless, most women will experience a number of changes around menopause that may make sexual activity uncomfortable or even painful. The good news is that many of these changes can be easily remedied, and sex can be just as comfortable as it was prior to menopause.

Age-Related Change #1: Vaginal Dryness

During and after menopause, lower levels of estrogen circulating in a woman's body may cause the lining of the vagina to become dry and fragile. It may feel itchy and sore; as a result, penetrative sex may be painful. If the lining of the vagina is very dry, intercourse can cause chafing and bleeding. So it's easy to see why a woman experiencing vaginal dryness might want to avoid being intimate.

Pain can also occur because of age-related changes in the size and shape of your vaginal canal.

What You Can Do
Try a water-based vaginal lubricant, such as Replens® or K-Y® Long-Lasting Vaginal Moisturizer. These types of lubricants can help relieve dryness and irritation and are available over-the-counter.

Some lubricants are designed for application just before intercourse, but the longer-lasting moisturizers are specifically for menopause-related dryness and they help keep the vagina moist for up to 72 hours.

For many women, over-the-counter moisturizers do the trick, but if they don't work well for you, consider talking to your doctor about a using prescription estrogen cream that can help make midlife sex more comfortable.

If intercourse is painful despite adequate lubrication, you may need to experiment with different sexual positions. If pain persists, see your doctor.

Age-Related Change #2: Slower Response Time

As you get older, it may take longer for your body to respond to sexual stimulation. Even if you feel highly aroused, your natural lubrication may take time to kick in, and you may not become as wet as you used to.

While this is not necessarily a sign of disinterest, some women, or their partners, may misinterpret it as such. To avoid misunderstandings, keep the lines of communication open. It may not be easy to talk about sex at first, but in the long run, it will benefit both of you.

What You Can Do
Don't rush things. Spend more time on what's traditionally been considered foreplay. Explore each other's body: kiss, caress, lick, or give each other erotic massages. And remember, if your partner is about the same age as you, he too may need more time and stimulation to become sexually aroused.

You also may want to try a lubricant.

Age-Related Change #3: Weakening Pelvic Muscles

Our muscles weaken as we age, and the pelvic muscles are no exception. Pelvic muscles play a key role in sexual function for both women and men, so it's important to keep these muscles in shape.

Pelvic-floor muscles are partly responsible for drawing blood to the genitals during sexual activity, affecting vaginal lubrication and orgasm. As pelvic muscles weaken, women may experience shorter or less powerful orgasms and may be at increased risk for urinary incontinence and uterine prolapse.

What You Can Do
Strengthen your pelvic muscles by doing Kegel exercises every day. They're easy to do, but they're also easy to get wrong. Follow these step-by-step instructions.

Remember that a healthy sex life is one that's healthy for you, and for your partner, if you have one. There's no such thing as a "normal" level of desire or an optimal frequency for sex. If you're not interested in being intimate at this time in your life and it's not affecting your relationship, then that's healthy for you.