Older, Wiser . . . Sexier?
Changes in Men
When it comes to sex and aging, one of the main concerns for many men is that they won't be able to perform anymore -- that they'll have trouble getting an erection, or that their erections won't be firm enough for sex. The technical term is erectile dysfunction (ED).
The truth is, the causes of erectile dysfunction are varied and complex, but ED is not an inevitable consequence of aging.
As men age, however, certain physiological changes that are likely to affect sexual functioning to a lesser degree do occur. An enlarged prostate can inhibit an erection. Levels of the hormone testosterone, believed to be linked to libido and sexual virility, gradually decrease, and blood flow to the genital area may not be as rapid as it was earlier in life.
But these changes don't have to lead to a sexual sunset. In fact, studies show that as many as 7 out of 10 healthy 70-year-olds report having sex once a week, and many men enjoy being intimate well into their 80s, 90s, and even 100s.
Age-Related Change #1: Slower Response Time
As a man gets older, it may take longer for his body to respond to sexual stimulation. Even if he feels highly aroused, it's normal for an older man to need longer, stronger stimulation to achieve an erection.
What You Can Do
Don't rush things. Spend more time on what's traditionally been considered foreplay. Explore each other's body: kiss, caress, lick, or give each other erotic massages.
Age-Related Change #2: Weak Erections and Weakening Pelvic Muscles
Many older men find that their erections are different than they were in their younger years. They may not be as hard, they may not last as long, and the experience of ejaculation may not feel as strong as it used to.
What You Can Do
For some men, having sex in the morning, when erections are more likely, helps improve their ability to maintain an erection longer. But keep in mind that penetrative sex isn't the only way to have great sex.
Age-Related Change #3: Longer Refractory Periods
It's common for older men to experience a longer refractory period -- the time until the body's ready for another erection after ejaculation. In some cases, the cooling off period may be as long as 12 to 24 hours, or more.
What You Can Do
If he's climaxed, but you and your partner aren't ready for the sexual experience to end just yet, focus on activities that don't require an erection. For example, you don't need an erection for oral sex or manual stimulation.
Other Issues That Can Affect Sexuality
Chronic medical conditions, such as arthritis, heart disease, diabetes, and cancer, can affect a person's ability or desire to be sexually active. It's difficult for someone to feel sexy when he or she is in constant pain, feels sick or weak, or is recovering from surgery.
Also, some medications affect sexual functioning. Antidepressants, antihistamines, chemotherapy, and drug treatments for high blood pressure may contribute to erectile dysfunction in men and reduce sexual desire and increase vaginal dryness in women.
No matter what your health issue or age bracket, a little bit of patience, understanding, and creative thinking can help you make the most of midlife sex and intimacy for many years to come.
Sex and Aging: Six Steps to Maintain and Enhance Your Sexual Well-Being
- Think positively about yourself and your sexuality. Accept yourself for who you are at every stage in life, and remember that what you bring to the sexual table is something you alone can offer -- a unique expression of your desires, fantasies, fears, and experiences. And that's sexy.
- Talk with your partner about how you both may be changing. Many couples don't spend much time talking to each other about sex, and though it may be awkward at first, this type of intimate exchange, done with respect and care, may bring you much closer together and is likely to have a positive effect on your sex life.
- Remember that there are many ways to enjoy being intimate. Penetration isn't all there is to good sex. Give yourself permission to experiment, alone or with your partner, to discover what feels right for you at this time in life, whether it's a new sexual position, oral sex, cuddling, or choosing not to engage in sexual activity at all.
- Use it or lose it. Remaining sexually active (with or without a partner) helps keep blood pumping to the genital area. For women, this helps with natural lubrication, and for men, it benefits erection and ejaculation.
- Stay healthy. Eating a balanced diet, staying physically active, and maintaining a healthy weight is good for your overall -- and your sexual -- health. Studies show that in men between 65 and 69 years of age, those with type 2 diabetes and heart disease are twice as likely to experience erectile dysfunction (ED) as those without.
- Talk to your doctor if you have concerns about the medications you're using or if you have questions about your sexual health. Not all doctors are comfortable discussing sexual issues and may not be up-to-date on the latest research regarding sexual health. If that's the case, ask for a referral.
